The day I learned to smile again
It was nice letting go of someone realizing that there is still a family who still loves you. I was nearly into tears when I called my mom. I told her that I won't be back soon as I told her a week ago. She told me she was very worried why I have been acting strange lately wanting to come home.
She didn't know my real intention of going home.
I just told her that I love her so much and I thank her for being a good mom. There was a sigh of relief on her end knowing that I'm okay now. I told her that I'll concentrate on my work and will be updating her often of what's happening here.
After talking to her, I felt so light. It's like I don't have any problem anymore. I also learned that my aunt is going to Saudi at least I might be going there to visit and celebrate Christmas with her. After all these turn of events I'm looking forward to what will happen in the next few months. Grabe I didn't imagine na 5 months na pala ako dito. The day passes by like a few minutes and the turn of events is like a split second. This end of the month eh makikita ko na ang pagbabago sa probationary status ko. Hopefully malaki ang raise and magkatotoo na rin ang commision basis sa technical department na dadalawa lang kami.
Hopefully next month eh makabili na rin ako ng laptop ko. He he he. Or pwede ring patagalin pa ng isang buwan para mas maganda ang specs ng susunod kong gadget. Next week is Superman Returns na...I'm planning to watch it at Ibn Battuta either with friends or officemates sa IMAX cinema nila.
Got to go. Medyo late na dito. Nagpreprepare lang ako ng documentation for the wireless proposal for the Sheik. Major proposal to and if we win this bid sana naman may share ako dito. Goodluck na lang! :)
21 comments:
Gosh, good luck Rodney!!! I know you'll do very well in your presentation! I can already hear the "ka-ching!" (your commision ;o)
You're very lucky to have a very supportive family. Keep them very close. When everything else fails and everyone has turned their back on you, your family will always be there. It's very true. You can always run to them for emotional and morale boosts.
ACtually, that's the biggest lesson that I have learned since being away from them. Gosh, how much I miss them everyday and how much I love them. I really learned how to appreciate my family. Everytime I'm depressed and sad, I always call my Mom and tell her my problems. She's just there and she listens, and everything's ok. Everytime I see them on special occasions, I almost try not to sleep as to spend every second with them. OA, but it's so true.
As for you coming home so soon, if your only reason is to rekindle the flame, then don't. Like you said, he has moved on. I don't wanna sound so negative, but if you do that, somewhere down the road, you'll be blaming him for your missed chances and opportunities there in Dubai.
As for your ass-crunching work there in the office, don't worry about the multi-tasking and the gazillion things to learn. After awhile, you'll be the subject matter expert, the techie-guru, and you'll be able to demand what you're really worth. The technical presentations that you do, keep doing them. After awhile, you can do them with your eyes closed. By the sound of it, you might be being groomed for something bigger (managerial perhaps?).
And you know what's best about working in Dubai? Your experience is accepted all over the world. Working in the middle east is one of the most respected jobs in the industry. Who knows? Down the road, if you wanna settle down and get married for real, you can go to London or Canada where same-sex union enjoys the same rights as the traditional marriage.
And my God, you're enjoying independece for the first time in your life away from your parents house. Go crazy!!! This is the time where learning about the real world is the key. It's not so easy worrying about stuff like rent, hey? I've said it all before, this experience makes you a stronger, more independent person. You may not feel it now, but you will. It's a great feeling of accomplishment. You'll mature fast, I guarantee it. You'll be a much wiser person.
Having your heart broken sucks really bad. It's almost crippling, but there's a reason for any event that happens in your life. When a door shuts, another one opens. Just think of this new door as a new challenge, a room full of great opportunities. Anything and everything is possible with you. YOur foot is already inside, go all the way.
Yeah the broke up was really something I didn't expect. But I have to move on rather than griping about who made the mistake that caused the break up.
We had a chat early this morning (my time of course) and he broke up the news that he's currently dating someone exclusively a day after our break up.
It was no surprise.
I don't know, I felt a bit of jealousy for a few seconds but I think my love for him was never there anymore. He doesn't like me as his partner, why will I like him back. Now I can tell to myself that my feelings for him from 100 to 0 degrees.
From now on I promise to myself that I will put my family first as my first priority over any relationships. In the past year kasi I have most of my time spent with my bf I only go home to leave my laundry or sleep then go to work.
I have been crying to my ex all this time that he's my last stronghold but it made sense to me that I still have a family backing me up for support.
Willow, I won't go home soon because of Martin. Because it makes no sense and continuing my life with him will be an insult to my pride. There's no more flame to rekindle and if given a chance to continue any relationships with him I think we can just be friends and that's it.
Next time I'll pick a person with substance that can handle mature decisions and situations like this.
By the way, I'm going to enjoy my weekend this coming week and will party with cute Brits in town. I'm going to check the club scene in town. Hmmm gives me an idea for a good hookup. He he he. As you said, I'll go CRAZY!!!
Other plans...Hmmm
I'm planning yo either buy a laptop or enroll to a gym next month whichever my budget permits. A friend of mine is planning to go to Disney Hongkong for a 4 days 3 nights there and was asking me to come...Nice idea but I have to think about it. Hmm I think applying for a credit card would help. I might find myself to wander in the Philippines because it's just a 30-minute trip from Hong Kong to Manila. As for now these are all plans but I think having a laptop is achievable. I'd better talk to my boss to buy me one.
One good thing in the office nga pala is that they know that I'm gay. He he he. I remember doing a presentation and one of my bosses told me to use manly colors for the illustrations. Imagine the access points and wireless devices colored pink, yellow, lilac and other colors in pastel. Ha ha ha.
Well, Willow...I've adjusted. Thanks for your support during our times when me and Martin were still a couple and for giving a sound and fair advice . I appreciate you not taking sides and for being a good web friend.
Bye for now. Until my next blogging.
Ngayon lang ulit ako magsasalita dito. I believe na it's unfair for me na sabihan akong immature. Rodney, wag kang magpaawa, dahil hindi ka nakakaawa. Kelangan mo pang isulat dito lahat ng pag uusap naten.
Gusto mo ba ng ganito? Cge.
Pinangako mo saken na in 6 months magkasama na tayo. Ayokong magkahiwalay tayo ng lugar, pero gusto mo. Sige, pumayag ako. Dahil nga pinangako mo na magkakasama tayo soon. Taget is June or July. Then you moved it to August. Then October. Then sasabihin mo saken uuwi ka na lang ng December or February.
Anong gusto mong gawin ko dito? tumanganga na lang sa kakaantay sayo? wala kang matinong plano. Kung may magandang plano ka for us, you should have executed it properly. Kaya nakakawalang gana na umasa sa plano mong drawing lang.
Imagine, pag iintayin mo ako ng isang taon kung February ka nga babalik? alam mong ayoko ng LDR talga. Dahil mahal kita kaya pumayag ako nun. Given na 6 months magkasama na tayo.
I decided makipag hiwalay sayo hindi para lumandi or to commit with other guys. Ang pinaka reason nito eh WALA na nangyayare satin.
Para lang akong ASO na susunod sunod sa mga gusto mo. Nung sinabe ko na umuwi ka na lang, ayaw mo. Kesyo may utang ka pang babayaran, blah blah. I've told you na pwde mong bayaran ang mga utang mo pag nakauwi ka na.... magtrabaho ka dito. Pero pag ako nawala, baka hindi mo na maibalik.
Pero wala. Mas pinili mo pa rin yang utang mo over me. Wala akong halaga sayo. Mas mahalaga yang pera at trabaho mo kesa saken. Kaya mong mabuhay na wala ako sa tabi mo for long.
Hindi ako nakipag relasyon sa isang invicible partner. Ni hindi mo man lang mahawakan o maka usap ng personal.
Rodney, kung magpaplano ka for us, you should have considered my feelings towards it. Urong ka ng urong sa date ng pag punta ko dyan, hindi mo man lang inisip ang nararamdaman ko. Mahirap umasa na lang ng umasa.
Willow, siguro naman naiintindihan mo naman ang sinasabi ko. Ayaw mo naman siguro na maging stuff toy lang na "I have more important things to do, I'll deal with you later." Wala na akong sariling buhay. Sunud sunuran na lang sa mga gusto ni Rodney. At hindi naman nya ako pinakikinggan.
Rodney, be a responsible journalist. Akala ko pa naman friend mo pa rin ako eh parang sinisiraan mo ako dito sa blog mo. Wag kang mag paawa. Dahil hindi talga. Ako ang DEHADO Rodney. Tandaan mo yan.
And as far as I know, SINGLE na ako nun so it has nothing to do with you anymore. You should have expected what will happen upon letting me go.
Mart,
Where did I say in this blog that you're immature?
You dated a day after the breakup.
There's not even a room for you to consider time for me to mend up things.You just jumped into the sack with the guy who you think is your next prince charming. End of Story.
Now what will I do?
Nothing.
Why?
Because there's nothing I can do to win you back when you're head over heels with your new date.
Now what's my point of action.
Stay out of the picture.
I offered you friendship so that I can give you support if that dumbass will just dump you. That's my offer.
I don't want to deal with anything that affects my feelings anymore for now.
It's a bright and shiny day! Don't waste it.
C'mon!
"Next time I'll pick a person with substance that can handle mature decisions and situations like this."
diba? it's clear that you are accusing me of being immature.
My last reply will be the last concerning me and Martin.
I don't want to comment on any additional replies after it.
The book is closed and there's nothing more to discuss.
basta ako nananahimik dito. Tapos may isa dyan daldal na ng daldal na feeling kawawa na hindi naman.
Sige, idelete mo pa ulet ito.
Rodney, I am sad that you two are having a disagreement after breaking up and promising to be friends.
I have to say it's very hard to be friends with an ex-lover after a very recent breakup. There will be jealousies, anger, resentments, you name it. It's very common. I can't speak for both of you, but commonly when one breaks up with an ex-lover, the only way one can move on is to break all contacts with this person within a period of time. Then when the wounds are healed, it's less painful and less hurtful to be speaking to this person again.
It's alright to feel angry. Anger helps us to stand our ground and to stay strong, just don't let the bitterness get the better of you.
Just because Martin is already going out with someone else, it doesn't mean that he didn't love you. All people are different in dealing with things. Just because he's dealing with the breakup differently than you, it doesn't mean that he wasn't hurt.
You two had some good times. Take them with you. All the the quarrels, the pain, the disagreements, learn from them.
It's great that your family is your #1 priority, but don't forget yourself. You should be #1 also.
Yes, GO FUCKING CRAZY this weekend!!! You deserve it. It was an exhausting week for you, both work and personal.
That is funny ;o). I mean your presentation, when they told you to use manly colors. I hope you saved a copy of the original one. I would love to see it one day. How was it by the way? Did you kick some major butts? I'm sure you did!
Hmmm.... a laptop. If it's possible, yeah, I think there's a probability that your boss can buy you one. YOu can make a good case for it. Coz you do a lot of research and learning on the job. What a shame if one day you're at home and you suddenly have a super-duper great idea for work/office and no laptop to work on it. ;o)
Ahh, enrolling in a gym, sounds like a great plan. Aside from the endorphin fix, you can meet people there as well.
Ahh, credit cards, they are evil ;o) Use them wisely. I hate them with a passion. I have been a victim of the credit card lure ;o)
If there are things that you need to say in confidence, you have my email. Time heals all wounds. And you're a good man, Rodney. I only see great things in store for you now and in the future.
the reason kaya ako sumasagot sa blog ni rodney kasi sa tingin ko unfair at puro side nya ang mga nakasulat dito. anyway,letting go means
One can't take responsibility for someone else, that the other half have no more control,is admitting that he is powerless,valueless,which means outcome usually didnt favor him,
it is making the most of oneself,
Letting go refuses to arrange or guarantee results and allows others to make choices that determine their OWN destinies;
refuses to protect others from reality but encourages one to face the facts.
one should not nag, scold, or argue;should instead searches out his own shortcomings and corrects them.
Letting go is not regretting the past but growing and living for the future
got them somewhere...just let go....both of you ...
Arnold,
I think airing my side of the story is my right. This is my blog anyway. This is where I air my stress, angst, rants, feelings. In short what's in it is my opinion.
In fairness to Martin, he was a good partner and you all witnessed our good times as well.
I have already moved on.
I don't want to be close to Mart for now but in sometime,hopefully, we'll talk as true friends.
I just got an invitation from a Jordanian guy yesterday to come out this weekend. I think that's a good start of living a new life.
Have a nice day ahead!
Willow,
Again thanks for the very sound advise.
I didn't get your email addy. I'd tell you more about my date thru your email na lang.
Later kasabay ko sya sa carlift ko. ;)
Here's waiting impatienly for your kwento.
Work is all good, but having fun is also crucial. When you're happy, it'll show physically. Others are drawn to positive/happy people.
You deserve all the fun in the world! Don't feel guilty by any means.
again,well said rodney, tama sabi mo, its your blog,its your right, everything yours, everything about you, for you, define why things come to this...
Arn,
No need to define. The break up is not premeditated. It just happened. Just take care of your friend and guard him. Make him happy.
The best of luck to you guys there in the Philippines.
Kakainggit nga kayo eh. Mura IMAX dyan. Will be surely visiting Mall of Asia when I come home.
Ta ta!
Oh, dont envy us.sabi nga ng friend mo, You'll be the subject matter expert, the techie-guru, and you'll be able to demand what you're really worth.Your experience is accepted all over the world.Working in the middle east is one of the most respected jobs in the industry.
Sorry, im not asking you to define..i meant to type , DEFINED why things come to this...
i do not want to meddle on somebody else's business. been reading martin's blog since i added him in my blogroll and first time on this blog. guys, just patch up any snags between the two of you. throwing mud is not healthy as it will just induce the pain and anger. wishing you (martin and rodney) all the best!!!
Hi agc_dlsu!
Just settled our differences.
Me and Martin are friends already.
We have been chatting a couple of days ago and it's good to feel that the feeling of bitterness is not there anymore.
I'm happy that he and his new bf are going on a smooth path. Yeah syempre, medyo may konting selos kasi I still have feelings for him. Pero siguro ko mawawala rin tong feeling na to.
Even my best friend (Daisy) here in Dubai who met Martin a few weeks back in Manila is surprised in the outcome.
Akala nya isa lang eto sa mga drama namin. I told her naman na mabuti na talagang maghiwalay kami. Kasi I don't want someone I love to be hurt and wait. Mas masakit kung dalawa kaming nahihirapan.
that's good news! you and martin are best of friends again.
good thing, it ended on a positive note. as for me, last year, it wasn't (up to now, me and ex are not conversing) but i'm very much happy this year with my 'b'.
you'll never know... a dictum goes like this - 'love is lovelier the second time around.'
stay happy always!
btw, i'll add you up.
- allan -
agc_dlsu,
"Love is sweeter the second time around" - I think that's what you mean. He he he.
I'm not closing any doors but I'm not the type of person who likes to rekindle the flame if I myself distinguished it. I dunno. I'm not sure and I don't have any plans.
Thanks for hanging around!
Chill!
you stand corrected... it should be... 'love is lovelier the second time around'. you can search it in the google the lyrics of song 'The Second Time Around' by Frank Sinatra (or Barbra Streisand).
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